To All Undecided Voters

To all undecided voters: if the economy is your number one concern, you’re likely stuck between a candidate who’s policies have not worked well enough, fast enough and a candidate whose numbers don’t add up. You won’t find an answer there. So I encourage you: vote for the candidate who believes that the fundamental values of being an American are equality and opportunity, not individualism at the sake of community. Someone who may be a Christian, but will not impose his beliefs or the religious leanings of his party in policy – not because they aren’t important and worthy, but because he values the separation of church and state for the sake of (not despite) his own personal faith; someone who is a man, but recognizes that empowering women – who now make up more than half of the electorate, spending dollars in the U.S. and more than 75% of the healthcare dollars spent – to make decisions about their own health and their own bodies and that ensuring women earn an equal wage are economic issues, not just gender issues; someone who is heterosexual, but believes the right to pursue happiness includes the right to marry who you love; someone who was born in the United States, but understands that immigration is a central thread of American history and society, and young immigrants who came here not of their own choice, who go to school and participate in the community, that they deserve a chance at citizenship like so many of those who came before us; someone who is married with two children, but defines “pro-family” as promoting unconditional loving, supportive households of all shapes, colors and sizes; someone who believes that resiliency and community and pulling together to help those less fortunate are not values we reserve for Katrina and Irene and Sandy, but everyday actions that define what makes us American; someone who believes that in the United States of America, the greatest country on earth, we should not have people dying in the waiting area of emergency rooms because they do not have insurance; someone who supports the redistribution of opportunity, not wealth, and believes 47% of the country has something to offer too. 

If you aren’t convinced that either candidate will make you financially better off in the next four years, then vote for a future that embodies the values upon which this country was founded. Equality and opportunity for all, including and especially those who are different from yourself – either by gender, race, class, background or status – and a society in which all can compete in the free market, not just those who can afford to overcome the barriers to entry. In the polling booth today, remember what makes America great… and vote for Obama.

The Cruelty of Freedom

I never thought the day would come that I would agree with Justice Samuel Alito and disagree with NPR. The Supreme Court on Tuesday in an 8-1 vote (Alito, the lone dissenter) overturned a law that bans the selling and creation of videos or photos depicting animal cruelty, including illegal torture, maiming and killing (NPR wrote a brief in support of banning the law). Chief Justice Roberts wrote for the majority, stating the law violates the first amendment right to freedom of speech and took to task the government's assertion that via legislation it can ban any category of speech it decides is unworthy of protection under the First Amendment. "The First Amendment itself reflects a judgment by the American people that the benefits of its restrictions on the government outweigh the costs," Chief Justice Roberts argues. The question remains, however, as to the legal responsibility of an individual expressing and profiting from images of illicit activity: if it is illegal to torture, maim and kill animals for one's amusement, and the creation and sale of videos depicting such activities requires the illicit actions to occur by the very fact that they exist, how then can you argue that the possession or marketing of these videos is legal? Better yet, how can you reject the assertion that such actions do not in some way make you responsible for the continuance of illegal activity? Would it help if I drew a supply and demand curve?


To provide context, the 1999 Depiction of Animal Cruelty law was originally created in response to videos featuring dog-fighting matches and 'crush' videos - a type of fetish video involving women (many in high stiletto heels) stomping and crushing to death small animals such as mice, rabbits, kittens and even puppies. The case which brought the law to its disheartening end involved Robert J. Stevens, a self-identified authority on pit bulls who was sentenced to 37 months for selling videotapes showing dog fights; Stevens himself never participated in any of the dog fights - some of which reportedly took place in Japan where dog fighting is legal - but under the 1999 law, Stevens was found guilty of trafficking in 'depictions of animal cruelty.' Admittedly, I have not browsed through the endless court papers documenting the case against Mr. Stevens that may reveal details explaining the court's overwhelming decision; likewise, I have not seen any of Mr. Stevens’s videos and therefore do not have a first-hand judgment on whether the images involved animal cruelty. In an interview with NPR, Stevens claimed to be an avid pit bull lover and stated his videos celebrated the "'gladiator' tendencies of pit bulls" and he edited the footage to remove the "bloody, gory stuff." This begs the question: is dog fighting not cruel by legal definition if the animals survive and are only injured or maimed? Furthermore, does a video of a dog fight, edited to remove all graphic violence, fall short of the legal definition of animal cruelty because we can't actually see the violence and maiming that actually took place?


I believe in the legal shrewdness of our Supreme Court; one must assume the law was crafted in such a way and with such breadth - and Chief Justice Roberts argued as such - that its violation of certain first amendment rights under the law, i.e. the right to express unpopular ideas, made irrelevant its purpose in protecting the rights of animals under a previously established and widely accepted law. Dog fighting and animal cruelty is illegal in all 50 states. And yet the expression of such acts in videos and photos is not only legally acceptable, but so also is profiting from the sale of such videos? According to Roberts, “the First Amendment means that government has no power to restrict expression because of its message, its ideas, its subject matter or its content.” But does government have no power to close the loophole on a law that provides a haven for illegal acts to continue?


It is a unique and treasured thing in this country and most modern democracies to protect the right to speak those whose beliefs and preferences we would prefer be silenced. But why protect the right to express in video a fetish which is illegal in practice? To each their own in the bedroom, but I'm quite sure (and by God, I hope) that the sale of alleged "snuff" videos (extreme sadomasochistic pornographic videos in which one of the participants is in fact murdered during the sexual encounter) would constitute a crime, even if the person selling the videos was not involved in its creation. A severe example, but the principle is the same - the same principle that allows us to prosecute those who sell images or videos of child pornography but do not themselves engage in it.


In creating the law, the government argued the same point regarding child pornography, but Chief Justice Roberts claims that it is a “a special case” because the market for it is “intrinsically related to the underlying abuse." According to the Humane Society of the United States, the Depiction of Animal Cruelty law all but ended the market for crush videos in the immediate years following its inception; Stevens case, however, led to a resurgence of the videos online even while the verdict had yet to be decided. Now the law is null and void. It is unthinkable to imagine the uptick in production and demand for these videos now that those facilitating their sale and distribution can no longer be prosecuted.


In Justice Alito's dissent, he stated the court’s decision in practice only served to protect "a depraved entertainment;" Chief Justice Roberts counter-argument stated that the law was so broadly written that it would make it illegal to sell hunting videos in the District of Columbia where hunting is illegal, and "the demand for hunting depictions exceeds the estimated demand for crush videos or animal fighting depictions by several orders of magnitude.” But then why declare the entire law unconstitutional? In the NPR interview, the executive director of the Professional Outdoor Media Association, Laurie Lee Dovey, claimed it was unlikely that the government could write a law that prevented animal cruelty without infringing on the rights of hunting and fishing fans: "We must in America rely on our First Amendment rights to speak freely and to discuss things that are not comfortable to discuss. That's what makes us America." Call me un-American, but I find it unfortunate that the brutal, fatal crushing of a kitten by stiletto for someone’s amusement is considered akin to something "not comfortable to discuss."

No doubt, it is always invigorating to see the process of checks-and-balances of power at work. I make no claims of being a lawyer or a legislative expert, and even in instances of disagreement, I intrinsically want to trust the judgment of the court to be constitutionally sound. Perhaps the issue is that Mr. Stevens should have never been convicted in the first place under the Depiction of Animal Cruelty law, which has now led us to its unraveling today. Perhaps the Supreme Court should have recognized, as Justice Alito described, the practical intent of the law, "not to suppress speech, but to prevent horrific acts of animal cruelty." Perhaps Congress should have taken more care to craft legal constraints and exceptions to the law that would appease hunting enthusiasts and survive first amendment scrutiny. Chief Justice Roberts wrote, "The First Amendment itself reflects a judgment by the American people that the benefits of its restrictions on the government outweigh the costs," adding that “our Constitution forecloses any attempt to revise that judgment simply on the basis that some speech is not worth it." I can't help but find it interesting that a law Chief Justice Roberts found so "alarming" in breadth passed in the House 372-42 and in the Senate by unanimous consent. Perhaps, to the contrary, Congress found the protection of animals from such useless harm so obviously worth it.

*H.R. 5092., a narrower law written "to end the intentional crushing, burning, drowning and impaling of puppies, kittens and other animals for the depraved purpose of peddling videos of such extreme acts of animal cruelty for the sexual titillation of viewers" was introduced on Wednesday by Reps. Elton Gallegly, R-Calif., James Moran, D-Va., Earl Blumenauer, D-Ore., and more than 50 other Representatives. I encourage everyone to reach out to your Congressional representatives and Senators to show your support for this statute, or contact the Humane Society of the United States to see how you can help stop animal cruelty.

Team Ladies

Gratitude is required here. I am blessed to currently work with two phenomenal women, both of whom were educated at top universities, bring countless years of public service, exhibit measured ambition and admirable tolerance, and above all else, provide a reliable stream of constructive support. My appreciation here is immense if only because my experiences with female colleagues and leaders prior to now have been less than similar, if not quite the opposite. And as of late, I've begun to hear similar stories from my girlfriends and other female colleagues of women actively defeating one another in the workplace. I sat and listened yesterday as a friend of mine from my professional network - a bright, industrious, and bilingual 28 year old - shared the story of her most recent transition from one company to another. She wooed over her new (male) boss and lamented over the stress of her previous position as a member of a small team where she held seniority (by hire date only) over a woman slightly more than 10 years her elder. Rather than collaborate on creative efforts, cooperate on projects and even meet her basic job expectations, which included assisting on major projects, this woman was unresponsive to my friend’s requests for assistance and lackadaisically partnered on projects that she did not lead - and yet demanded full credit. The woman went out of her way to dismiss an article in a regional industrial trade journal praising my friend's accomplishments in the field (and exposing her undeniably good looks) and took great care to ignore any other professional and even personal successes my friend experienced while with the company.



Perhaps it was an age issue - people don't like answering to those perceived with less experience - or even an over-hiring issue. But as a woman, I was discouraged by her story nonetheless. Feminism is at tricky thing; it's a movement based on such a profoundly important and honestly simplistic concept - gender equality - and yet like all things philosophical, it has given way to such a wide range of both generational and individual interpretations that its definition is really fluid depending on your perspective. Marxism isn't Leninism isn't Communism, so to speak. I would venture to guess that most women aren't entirely sure what it means to or for them, but at the very least, I personally had assumed it was a concept that united women. Despite popular misconceptions to the contrary, feminism is not intended to pose women against men, but one would think it definitely wasn't meant to pit women against women. Religion and class and race aside, we must share some experiences as females that endear us to one another and therefore we should naturally want to hold each other up, champion one another's successes. And yet stories like my friend's continue to surface.


In one of the worst years of my life, I spent endless hours a day assisting a woman who referred to me only as "Doll" or "Girlie.” On one of the worst days of the worst year, she brazenly slapped me on the butt in the presence of two of her male counterparts. And no, in case you're asking yourself this, we didn't just win a hockey game nor did we work in a locker room. Something about belittling me empowered her; it was as if there was only room for one successful female in a male-dominated office, and there certainly wasn't room for someone younger and (pardon the narcissism) more ambitious than she.


What is most troubling about this anecdote is that this woman was successful in her field and had years of experience from which I could have learned or benefited from and in turn, contributed more positively and effectively to her office and operations. She had the opportunity to mentor me and extend her personal impact on the organization far beyond her retirement by cultivating in me the professional and subject-matter knowledge that had lead to her own success and helped support many of the great successes of our department. She could have been a trailblazer; she chose to be an obstacle.


An interesting fact that many - and not just women - lose sight of in the professional world is that like love and oxygen, success is not a finite good. There is plenty for everyone and my consumption of it does not in any way negate or diminish yours. And in fact, supporting one another and lending to others' success serves as an exponential factor in your own: expanding your network of reliable and trustworthy colleagues; building a reputation as a collaborator and team player; enjoying the benefits of learning from someone with more experience or a fresh perspective. And for women like me who work in a field historically reserved for men, the professional benchmarks set by other women set a new bar - and a new baseline - for females going forward in terms of what we can accomplish. My current boss, my co-worker and myself - we refer to ourselves as 'Team Ladies.' And we conduct ourselves as a team in business. When you trail blaze three-deep, you cut a far wider path for those to follow.


This isn't a sweeping plea to raise through the ranks all the females of the world simply because we all share the gift of reproduction; as I said, feminism is about equality, and aptitude and acumen shouldn't be overlooked. But a challenge to my fellow females out there: next time you have a female-colleague who is being promoted and garnering professional accolades, perhaps drop the indulgence in that healthy dose of schaedenfreude and instead, shake her hand and ask her how she did it. Take your new intern to lunch and share the tricks of the trade. Praise your colleagues and engage their know-how in completing a new and exciting project. Sharing your achievement doesn't seem half bad when you've doubled the results.

Suit up. 'Team Ladies' is recruiting willing and able players.

What DO Americans Value?

The other day I heard Newt Gingrich in a speech referring to the Obama administration as "secular socialist" and claimed Obama the "most radical President in history." In another interview, the former Speaker of the House railed on democrats and even the former firm of Attorney General Eric Holder for representing 17 alleged terrorists pro-bono, accusing them of 'defending terrorists' - apparently instead of 'defending Americans.'

Apparently justice has perfect vision. And it's racist.

Gingrich went on to disparage the administration for wanting to raise taxes in the current economic crisis, forcing American companies to become less competitive relative to Chinese businesses...because apparently it's never okay to raise taxes; wars will fund themselves and competitive innovation isn't one of the fundamental principles of capitalism. And these remarks don't even touch upon the healthcare debate, which I have somewhat refrained from up to this point at the risk of delving into something I can barely decipher myself. But I can't help but cringe at what has seemingly become an acceptable response to bi-partisan legislation, i.e. at best, name-calling and at depressingly worst, death-threats.

At the risk of speaking in hyperboles (which only seem appropriate and measured in response to Former Speaker Gingrich's remarks), since when did American values include abandoning our fellow citizens to fend for themselves in an emergency room, everyone is guilty before proven innocent, justice only for those people we like, pretending obscene government debt isn't just as bad for the economy and small-businesses as minimal tax increases, healthcare only for the healthy or the rich, and an expectation of idyllic democracy, in which all pieces of legislation will be mutually and happily agreed upon in perfect harmony among all the key players?

So corporate America will have to pay slightly higher healthcare packages, but small businesses will have credits to provide some type of healthcare to their employees. Your 23-year-old child will lose insurance for the next six months while you wait for the new benefit for adult-dependents to kick-in, but at least your child will have healthcare again, which he or she wouldn't have had a year ago. The insurance premiums for supplemental insurance will be hefty and take a long time to procure, but you can procure them. Is it a perfect bill? Of course it's not. It's messy and complicated and probably really screwed up in so many ways, but it's no doubt a step forward if only because we just passed a piece of legislation on HEALTHCARE - a bill being dismembered and tugged at and manipulated by insurance companies and doctors and malpractice lawyers and corporate human resources and parents of college kids and unemployed parents of infants and fully-insured employed individuals with a completely uninsurable disease. It passed! We all aren't getting exactly what we want, but I for one, who will likely pay a higher insurance premium next year, can't help but feel better about the fact that someone out there who doesn't have insurance will have it soon enough. And access to better healthcare for more means a healthier, more productive society - and at the sake of reinforcing Mr. Gingrich's secular socialist label, I have always been under the impression that Americans took care of one another. In the midst of monumental moments in our history, we have united and lifted one another up, but why not today? Why not every day? Some national tragedies are on-going, daily affairs.

A vibrant democracy, by definition, isn't clean cut. It means passing a less-than-pretty bill that may only significantly impact a select portion of Americans now, but moves us one step closer to a healthcare system with a baseline more acceptable for a leading industrialized nation. It means defending could-be terrorists because we believe, as humans, in the basic right to a fair trial by your peers - to be proven guilty, not assumed so. These are the values that make us exceptional, even in - or rather, especially in the moments when they are difficult to live by.

You can never take yourself too seriously...

I like to think the feathers give me an air of confidence in important meetings.

"Yes, I am that sure of myself that I'm writing in a green glittered Ariel pen."

60 amends...

The interesting thing about realizing that you want to join the online conversation is realizing how much more difficult it is to "talk" online. I talk A LOT - ask anyone who knows me, but fortunately for me, I can talk while I am driving, swimming, grocery shopping or even while I'm eating (so rude). Sadly, blogging isn't equally convenient and absolutely requires a computer and an internet connection - neither of which are necessarily hard to come by, but both of which I tire of easily after a day at work...typically spent entirely (including my lunch hour) in front of two 17-inch screens and an endless influx of news reports and client requests. So I've learned my lesson and acknowledge that like a stable, long-term relationship, becoming a legitimate blogger requires commitment and compromise and energy when you least feel like you have it. And obviously a sense of humor.

So as a reparation for my unacceptable absence after such an energetic entry into the online world, I've decide to highlight one intriguing, hilarious or useful tid-bit/commentary/advice for each of the 60 days I've neglected my poor blog. If you were my pet, blog, you'd be dead. So here's to your second coming:

1) "Peace out, Debt" money-saving tip#1: skip your expensive yoga or spinning class and simply download different videos from Netflix. Think of all the money you could save and still try a new class everyday! Plus you're saving all that time it takes to actually GO to the gym. Two birds. One video.

2) I've always wondered why my boyfriend doesn't smell like a charming, athletic African-American horseback-rider.

3) New favorite app #1: Gratitude journal. It's an adorable (think chubby little animated buddha) and easy little way to stay focused on the positive by creating a new journal item each day on one thing you're thankful for - like leave-in conditioner or the ability to walk. The spectrum of gratitude is endless!

4) In case any of you are planning on moving to Peshawar or Fallujah or maybe East LA, here's a staple for your new bedroom. You're welcome.

5) But safety doesn't have to stop at home! Support your home team AND avoid a fatal injury. Two birds. One vest.

6) Movie I've seen in the past 60 days that made me love being a lady (and maybe want to throw a punch): Whip It.

7) Movie I've seen in the past 60 days whose alluring writing and profound performances could not spare me the disturbing nightmares: Inglourious Bastards

8) 3-D experience in the next 60 days I hope doesn't give me nightmares: Alice in Wonderland.

(*you all saw the re-make of 'Charlie and the Chocolate Factory'...as if the original tunnel scene with Gene Wilder wasn't damaging enough)

9) Movie I have seen in the past 60 days that I think will win the Oscar for Best Picture: The Hurt Locker

10) Movie I think should win: Up in the Air.

11) Cult Movie 'Eh' Admission: sorry everyone, I didn't love (500) Days of Summer. I dig the alternative love-story angle, but it earns a super low score for predictability. There. I said it.

12) Movies I watched in the past 60 days that I never want to watch again, either for fear of death-by-boredom or the potential of landing into hardcore therapy from immediate-onset depression: Public Enemies, Seven Pounds, and Rachel Getting Married. I'll give you that Anne Hathaway's performance in 'Rachel' was astounding, but 'Seven Pounds' could depress even a Zoloft addict.

13) Number of sparkly, feathered princess pens on my desk: 5

14) Random editorial comment: I hate the new Facebook layout. I can barely find my own profile.

15) Love to (or looking to be) healthy but have zero time like moi to actually prep and chop and slice and dice and braise and blah? Here's my favorite omega-3-packed, super-balanced dinner recipe you can savor in 10 minutes, start to finish. It serves two, but you can easily just break out the Gladware and

- 2 tilapia filets

- Brianna's Champagne and Caper salad dressing

- 1 box of frozen spinach

- 1 box of Near East Roasted Garlic and Olive oil Wheat Couscous

Step 1: Marinate the tilapia overnight in the champagne and caper salad dressing OR simply marinate just before cooking. Honestly, I'm not sure there's an absolutely huge difference with fish.

Step 2: Cook the spinach according to directions - it's something along the lines of throw the frozen block in a pan with a little water and heat until it's...well, heated (approximately 8 minutes)

Step 3: Cook the couscous according to the directions - boil 1/4 cup of water with the flavor packet, throw in the couscous, and remove from heat and cover. Viola! (approximately 5 minutes)

Step 4: In a skillet, cook the marinated tilapia over medium heat for 3 minutes on each side.

DONE. A super healthy protein, vegetable and starch in less time than it takes to make even the most basic salad. And despite popular belief, frozen spinach is just a nutrient rich as fresh spinach (in fact, potentially better for you!)

16) Speaking of tasty, grown-up cooking, for those of you foodies who've always loved 'Top-Chef,' check out our favorite British chef in his new show on ABC - Jamie Oliver's Food Revolution. Finally someone is taking the message to the couch potatoes.

17) Has anyone checked out Michelle Obama's webpage on the White House website? It reads like a Dream BIG! ad for anyone with a conscience, it's so inspiring...and let's be honest, it doesn't hurt that the article refers to Obama not as her husband, but as the "love of her life." Hearts, hearts, hearts.

18) Tiger Woods' public apology - first of all, it was really long. Am I in disagreement with the critics who hated on his every word because it came off like an orchestrated "Step 1" in the plot to return one of the best athletes in history to the game, ASAP? No. But did you expect it any other way? He's one of the best athletes in history. He pays for an incredible management team, all of whose salaries depend on his continued success. That being said, while the man doesn't deserve a medal for apologizing, I do believe that people make mistakes and the proverbial second chance. When you are at rock bottom, the only way - literally - is up, so I don't think anyone can blame him for trying to move on with this life and rectify his grave choices and to the contrary, there is something to be said for taking the right steps towards recovery. To forgive, in fact, is divine and extremely difficult...and in this case, like many others, it's not really anyone's business.

19) My favorite style of the new spring season: SHORT! Why? Because the shorter the skirt/shorts, the better the allusion of long legs (translated: height for the petites like me).

20) Superbowl ads this year were endless disappointing (sorry Betty White) but this one had me laughing for days: "I'm gonna work this PARRHHHTTTYYY!"

21) Most Annoying Person of the last 60 days: John Mayer, by a landslide. No one cares about your penis or any activities relating to it.

22) YAY! Product Review #1: Toyota Yaris. Between the aggressive accelerators on the Prius and the crap brakes on the Corolla, poor Toyota's brand image is all but in shambles. But alas...while in Costa Rica, we rented a Yaris, which makes sense - the four-door, compact car to navigate the side of unpaved, boulder-ridden mountains in a rainy jungle. But it persevered! It even THRIVED, mind you only if you started it in first gear, but by golly, that little Yaris made it up that mountain.

23) NAY (boo) Product Review #1: Budget Rental Cars. While the Yaris carried the team big time, Budget was a huge let down upon arrival to their airport office, at which point the informed me that they would not be honoring my reservation for a four-wheel drive vehicle because it was not pre-paid. Ironically, they did not seem to think that such a piece of information would have been more useful when I actually made the reservation. Down with Budget!

24) Despite all the hype around some of the more newsworthy comments during President Obama's first State of the Union, one of my all-time favorite lines of the night was during his discussion of the environment, when he acknowledged that Republicans and Democrats may not all agree on the effects of global warming, "despite overwhelming evidence"...HA.

Well isn't somebody gettin' sassy....oh SNAP!

25) I suppose it's now convenient that my boyfriend is lactose intolerant because thanks to this ABC Nightline report on the inhumane treatment of cows on commercial dairy farms - including burning off their horns and docking their tails without pain medication or numbing treatments - I am officially off the stuff (*warning - videos are graphic and disturbing: http://blogs.abcnews.com/nightlinedailyline/2010/01/darker-side-of-dairy-farming.html)

26) Most spontaneous thing I've done in the past 60 days: cut my hair asymetrically, so it's actually longer in the front than in the back, and then longer on the left side in the front than on the right side. I think I may actually be cooler now.

27) Whip-lash, it turns out, is real. When someone rear-ends you while you're stopped at a red light, you DO actually go flying forward and it does, indeed, hurt your back and neck. Now, foot-in-mouth, I must stop making fun of people for being wimps post-fender-bender. I must also stop hating on my 10 year old Altima that survived the incident completely unscathed.

28) 10-year Altima odometer reading today: 188,387.

29) My fellow animal lovers: did you know that pet owners to not have any real legal ground to stand on when our pets are harmed or even pass away due to veterinarian medical malpractice? According to law, pets are property and a mutt like Trudie would be worth not much more than $100 - a crushing thought to those of us who love our pets like family. Just one more thing to take to your local legislator!

30) ...and for you animal lovers who also happen to be good Christians, it turns out there are a few neighborly sinners who are willing to lend you a hand (for such a modest fee!) come Rapture time (courtesy of my petless sister...she was just looking out for Trudie, Padma and Ramon):

31) Stand-up you gotta see: Better known for his antics as Raaaaandy (note: some inappropriate language) in the film "Funny People" or as Tom Haverford on fellow funny person Amy Poehler's new show "Parks & Recreation," Aziz Ansari also puts on a pretty hysterical stand-up show in his free time. I was lucky enough to check him and a few other talented individuals at The Improv. Let's just say there were tears involved...but no one was saaaaaaaaaad!

32) Latest guilty pleasure: Crystal Light drink packets. Holy moly, I can't quit. Do you think the health benefits of the massive amounts of water I have to drink in the process of consuming my delicious pomegranate lemonade and mandarin red tea offsets the disturbing amounts of aspartame and red 40 in every packet?

....whatever, it's all sorts of low-calorie refreshing!!

33) How to Survive an Airport Layover: the PEOPLE.com app. It will fill you in on all the goodies from Angelina's reconcile with her estranged father, Jon Voigt, to last night's sighting of Justin Timberlake kissing his girlfriend, Jessica Biel, in the club. And you gossip-mongers thought they were on the outs. Tsk, tsk.

34) Ailments endured within the past 60 days: whip-lash (see #27 above); severe sunburn courtesy of ATVing in Costa Rica; a grapefruit size bruise courtesy of my boyfriend dropping a truck bed door on my arm; multiple scrapes and bruises courtesy of said-boyfriend AND flying off the ATV in Costa Rica.

35) Celebrities I still can't bring myself to hate or disparage despite the popularity to do so: Mel Gibson and Tom Cruise.

36) Celebrities I'm not ashamed to cherish: Dog the Bounty Hunter and Kim Kardashian. Clearly for different reasons.

37) When it comes to politics, I'm Washington Post all the way. But when it comes to entertainment, the Los Angeles Times, in similar fashion, takes the cake. So when Jenny Sanford came out with her tell-all novel about the unraveling of yet another squeaky clean politician due to some sordid affair, I must say I expected the tabloid lure of the Times to trounce her and the political players of the Post to praise her - for she seemingly represented, for all intents and purposes, the pinnacle of what the public had always hoped for in a scorned political wife: someone who wouldn't accept it. Alas, while I've yet to read the book myself, the shock and disappointment expressed by both newspapers' reviewers leads me to believe what LA times author Tim Rutton's mother told him: "One should never presume to know what goes on in another person's marriage."

38) My friends in entertainment will dismiss me and cite "good television" as justification, but Rod Blagojevich on 'Celebrity Apprentice'? Really, NBC? Really? First, it was simply being the child of someone rich that qualified you to be a celebrity; now apparently you only have to be a criminal with horrid hair.

39)  And as if to compete, Kate Gosselin on "Dancing with the Stars"??? Is bad hair the new qualification for reality TV? Kate Gosselin is like the anti-Jennifer Aniston - the woman people name to their hair stylists as exactly who they DON'T want to look like. Ever.

40) Ways I earned my Badge of Courage in the past 60 days: zip-lining more than half a mile, 550 ft in the air between two mountains. Or perhaps repelling down a series of six waterfalls in the jungle. Or maybe driving a Yaris up the side of the mountain (see #22).

41) How I Spent My Valentine's Day (see image to right and/or read #40 again): nothing says romance like not dying.

42) Support the arts by supporting my friends! Here are links to the websites of my most talented and ambitious friends. Enjoy the beauty, drama and hilarity, but don't keep the fun to yourself. Art this good is meant to be shared!

http://www.graymalin.com/

http://www.maartendeboer.com/

http://www.casualmafia.com/

http://www.tylerjamescomics.com/

43) Newest way I spend my Monday nights: KICKBALL! I'm pretty sure a rubber ball to the face is in my future.

44) My Kickball At-Bat Song: "On the Wings of Love" by Jeffrey Osborne.

45) Did you know that wine fraud exists? Me neither. Crime is gettin' FANCY!!

46) Honestly...I want to know the other American Olympians, I really do...but yeah...if you're hair's not flaming red and you're not in an HP commercial, I'm not sure exactly who you are. But Congratulations on your success, Compatriot!!

47) Most crushing moment of the Olympics: watching Joannie Rochette skate to the bronze within days of her mother's death.

48) Turns out, it wasn't just the pinstripes. Even in Blue, Johnny Damon is still a big jerk. 

49) Song I'm most likely to request at the club this Friday night: "I'm a Be," Black-eyed Peas.

50) Song I'm most likely to sing at Karaoke this Saturday night: "Right Back Where We Started From," Maxine Nightingale.

51) A brother for Trudie? Or a favorite for the Triple Crown?

52) The death of the killer whale trainer is absolutely tragic and devastating (and probably super traumatic for the kids who were present for the violent incident - no 'Free Willy' DVDs for them), but it reminded me a bit of this little incident:

53) Remember when this woman decided to jump INTO the polar bear den? In response to my relating how the zoo workers almost had to shoot the polar bear, my co-worker Laura responded, "Whoa whoa. The question here is who is in the wrong place? If the bear is out of the cage, you shoot the bear. If the woman is in the cage, you shoot the woman." It is difficult to argue with such sound logic.

54) "Do you know how many friends I have now? 400. Paper-towels."

(*again - not to be viewed in reach of the ears of children)

55)  Random FYI: Michael Jackson's 'Captain EO' has returned to Disneyland!  

56) YAY! Product Review #2: St. Ives Pore-Cleansing Mask. You'll look like an extra in 'Avatar' for 10 minutes, but it'll shrink even the most stubborn, gaping pores.

57) NAY (boo) Product Review #2:  Colgate Wisps. These just don't work. And they're an awkward size - somewhere in between a toothpick and a toothbrush...which I suppose is what they were going for, but the brush side barely deals with coffee breath and the pick side wanes long before you can work out that frosted flake stuck in your molar. Teeth-brushing was meant to go with water. Stick to gum.

58) Dogs catching treats in slow motion. Adorable.

59) ...but more adorable than a buffalo taking a Frisbee to the face? I'm not sure. Toss up.

(*I may have to prefer this one if only because 1) my very talented copywriter friend, Ted, helped write it, and 2) it promotes dog adoption, which we all know is critically important!)

60) Snapshot of my favorite pets...minutes after I walk out the door.

...and I'm out. See you in a day or 60 or so.

I was having a conversation the other day about the top five most irritating things you could say to a person, number one being the obvious "Calm down" - a phrase which in fact is particularly annoying when you are indeed, irrationally UNcalm.

When you've spilt your coffee, got stuck in traffic, forgot your blackberry, lost your parking pass, and are basically going head-to-head with that last straw, and you encounter someone who, on the other hand, is exemplifying a demeanor most comparable to Strawberry Shortcake, and that person tells you to "Calm Down"...I think we all could agree the only appropriate reaction is to perhaps, I don't know, punch that person in the face. Or wring their neck. Or your personal choice of physical yet very figurative (*no, I do NOT condone violence of any kind) intent to harm for that irritatingly admirable person who has complete control of their mental and emotional faculties and is telling you to "calm down."

But I stray. A strong second on the list of the top most irritating things you could say to a person is "Lower your Voice." Now clearly, in this context, this phrase is intended to reference the actual volume of a person's voice, which in all cases, is too loud. Too many people can hear you. You might offend someone. The information you are relaying is private or personal or most certainly not meant to be shared with others. For all the meaning behind this one little phrase, I began thinking about how oddly applicable it is to communication at large in a ever-evolving technology age.

For the average individual 50 years ago, publicly sharing one's opinion on any topic used to be faux pas, let alone easily achieved. Gaining an audience of perhaps a few hundred in a small community newsletter editorial could take months, and even then, your words were still very likely fine-tuned for the "broader audience." Topics like politics, sex, money, social norms were an implicit taboo unless aligned to the greater authority, whether it be the government, a church, or a social movement. Back then, the cultural message to the average person was a carefully packaged "lower your voice," and society - for the most part - obediently obliged.

And now here we are. The internet age in the broad sense is past, and we've moved into the more specific period of digital media driven by the lone consumer. We, the general public, not only can share our opinions on any topic at any time, but we have a number of mediums to choose from, ranging from the 140 character Twitter post to this very blog. For isn't that the very meaning of a blog? To explain yourself, share your opinion, to have a voice - as loud or as quiet as we want it to be, without regulation? The transformation of communication mediums has given us all an opportunity to speak up, and therefore who am I to sit the bench?

Blogs, Facebook, Twitter, MySpace - it's about reaching out and sharing with friends, but from a bigger picture, it's about participating in society - the world is talking about politics, money, relationships and social norms, and forming a consensus with or without you.

Let's be serious - I'm no expert. On anything. Period. Except maybe my dog's expressions. What I write about relationships or geopolitical issues is not theoretically proven or scientific law. But the magic of this technological social movement is that you don't have to be an expert; as individuals, by definition, we all offer the oh-so-intriguing concept of a unique perspective and more often than not, the comfort of relatability.

So welcome to my blog...expect it to be too personal at times. Or offensive. Or not meant to be shared with others. Because when someone irritatingly tells you to lower your voice, what do we all really do anyway?

"NO, I will not LOWER MY VOICE!"

There is usually a reason why people are loud in the first place.